Its awkward sometimes when you have a self dialog between you and yourself. it seemed like there are two souls that are attached to you a negative energy and a positive one. Those two soul will restlessly determine where to go in life and what kind of decision you'll take. maybe it sounds cliche but it goes that way on me for some reasons, i think that i've made the right decisions for some things in life, but i've also mistakenly did wrong and im learning from it all. I once heard a dutch friend of mine saying "the quicker i do wrong, the faster i learn and improve" and hey!! she got a point there. But then i will always take things easy and bare the consequences.
Well, the second fact i found recently is that insecureness leads no where, its something that is normal for everyone to have, i even posses this with full of awareness but for some people they look at it in different ways, trying to redeem their insecureness by covering it up with something they have as potential some do it successfully , and some still need much more effort ( i wont say "fail" because i believe a person would be able to realize how they are able to utilize their true potential) the only thing you got to do is stay true who you are and try to improve on how you treat your environment and your surrounding . I know its all theories (hey! im human) but im still observing and learning from people.
I know sometimes i have a insufficient level of ability on listing to people(im working on that). But can still be a good friend :D. I used to not be able to accept the truth but now its clear to me that i rather hear the truth and know my mistakes faster and try to improve quicker. Im not really good at self-introspecting i guess, i guess i like it better when someone says it in front of my face, yes but of course not all people have the guts and just run away (but sometimes i still do that too for some reasons). i often find conditions where i like to be frank to my friends, i like it to be open and honest, for real people who really appreciate me as an individual it works, but for some its just a pity that they take it literal, and go away for good, making some sort of abstract distance which does not what so ever help the process of creating sincere friendship. But i do respect their decision to do so. its every humans choice to determine what they want their life to be. Maybe that abstract distance was an interpretation of fear or hatred (idk) but one thing for sure i try to love all the people surround me even though for some has given me a dark past. its hard i know, even myself had not been a good being to some, but it will be greedy to want them all, for the current time i will appreciate the time being. i will be okay with the temporary emptiness, i still have you who ever is reading this, even as a friend an enemy or a stranger, i really appreciate for you reading this so far, i still have close friends, friends even in an awkward way, my significant others even though they are miles away, mutual friends, and a little spirit to continue this tough journey of my life.
I would love to whine about all the things Ive been facing, but that would just make me look weaker. it hurts sometimes to be aware of the fact. thats where i find sometimes one way dialog on social networking does not work, it sometimes gives you a bigger burden. the only thing ill do is to share the happiness that im being blessed for. :)
One other thing is that id just like to say to all the good friends around the world, when you have a friend who says "i need to be alone for a while" please don't leave them astray, instead hug them and come back. i will definitely do the same.
I believe in the fact that frank communication is the key to all misunderstandings, if only people would verbally express their feelings at the current time in the right time and place and to accept it, because for some people, their just not good at guessing (like me).
And to all of you hypocrite out there, thank you for making me stronger. Thank you for realizing that i shouldn't be like you. Thank you for making the mistakes that i didn't have to do in order for me to learn and improve.
You'll might be bored anyway to read this if i continue further, i will save some for the next.
Thanks for reading. :))
regards,
Nadya
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